Beat the tiers

Many of us will be concerned about the impact of the second lockdown on our mental health – especially now the days are getting colder and darker, because our focus and motivation levels can easily drop. One of the most effective ways that you can avoid bottling up your feelings, or letting feelings of stress and anxiety overwhelm you, is to find ways to express yourself – something that can be particularly difficult at a time when we’re having to keep physical distance from those in our support networks.

Self-expression is incredibly personal, and you’ll often know when you find an activity that works for you, because you’ll often feel calmer and more relaxed during, after, or both. The best forms of self-expression are those activities that you can get completely lost in, because they transport your mind somewhere else, and offer an escape from any overwhelming emotions.

From cooking to fashion, right through to photography, here are 12 activities to help you get through the coming weeks.

Keep a journal

Journaling is a powerful form of self-expression that you can do anytime, anywhere. Many people compare their journal to a best friend, because it’s always there to listen and not judge. Many people say that they feel calmer and more at peace after writing in a journal because it gives them clarity, perspective and a place to simply acknowledge and accept their feelings.

One of the best things about writing your thoughts, feelings and experiences down on paper is that there are no rules. You can shout, swear, share unpopular opinions – or express hopes and goals for the future. You can also choose to write in it everyday, or just whenever you need to offload some strong emotions. It’s entirely up to you.

Make something from scratch

Making something from scratch – whether it be a wooden stool, a blanket or a bar of soap – can be incredibly rewarding. Many people also find hands-on DIY activities to be helpful for letting off steam and channeling strong negative emotions. It can feel as though you’re taking that negative energy and turning it into something positive that you can use and benefit from. Having a project that you can work on for several hours, days or weeks at a time can also give you something productive to focus on, distract your mind from other things, and help you learn some new skills along the way.

It’s a good idea to choose to make something that you feel passionate about, that would be really useful, or that would be a lovely gift for a friend or family member. This way, you’re likely to enjoy the process more, and see it through to the end.

Take photographs

Your camera has an amazing ability to capture images that can express your emotion in any given moment, and you will often be naturally drawn to scenes or moments that relate to what you’re feeling. For example, if your mood is largely linked to the changing seasons, then you might want to take an image that you feel represents British winter and the way that you feel about it. Or perhaps, you could express feelings of isolation or hope for the future, with the images that you capture either at home, out of your window, or out on a walk.

The amazing thing about photography is that – like journaling – you can take photos anytime, anywhere. During lockdown, when we’re getting out less, this is also a chance to focus on and appreciate some of the sights and scenes that we might usually overlook and take for granted. You could photograph landscapes, your food, or even your pets!

During the last lockdown, I held a photography competition and invited people to send in favourite lockdown snaps – it proved really interesting to have a look at the results

Start a scrapbook

Organising some of your favourite photos, words, colours and images in a scrapbook is a great way to distract your mind from negative thoughts, keep your hands busy and have a nice keepsake at the end.

The theme of your scrapbook is up to you – you could keep a mood scrapbook, where you create collages that reflect your emotions on any given day, or that is full of positive images, words and photos that you know will help to cheer you up if you’re feeling a bit low. Or perhaps you’ve got boxes or drawers full of photos and keepsakes, and could spend some time arranging them in scrapbooks. This can be a nice way to enjoy some of your favourite memories.

Everyone’s scrapbook will look completely different – some might be very classic and understated, while others might be a busy explosion of colours and images that cover every inch of every page. Whatever you decide to create, the most important thing is that you have fun with it and express yourself.

You can buy a scrapbook for a few quid on Amazon, and there are no rules on how you fill it. If you don’t have any photos, then you could consider using cuttings from old magazines or newspapers. Or Hobbycraft have a big range of scrapbooking supplies, such as coloured cards, stickers and other decorations, which you can order online.

Cook or bake

Cooking (or baking) is one of those things that can comfort us when we’re sad, and allow us to celebrate when we’re happy. There’s also such a huge range of options for what you can come up with, giving you complete creative freedom.

The reason that cooking makes for such an effective form of self-expression is because it engages nearly all of the senses. We can choose colours, textures, smells and tastes that appeal to us, or that reflect what we’re feeling or going through at that time. For example, a lasagne might be your go to on a cold blustery day, a chocolate sponge cake when you’re looking to celebrate, or a totally new recipe when you’re feeling bored and restless.

Cooking is also an act of self-care – for ourselves and for those around us. There’s something really satisfying about knowing that we’re looking after ourselves and our families, by creating a tasty treat to enjoy.

Draw or paint

Anyone can use drawing or painting as a form of creative expression – regardless of how good an artist you consider yourself to be. While you might take up these activities as a hobby, with the intention of learning, developing your technique, and really honing your craft – you can still put pencil or brush to paper to simply let loose and express yourself.

You might decide that you want to choose an object to draw or paint and really create a likeness. Or you might just want to choose two or three colours that represent your mood, and put down a few wiggly lines or some doodles. Your art doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else but you – nor do you ever have to show it to anyone else if you don’t want to – which is what makes it so liberating. You can be completely free from rules of expectations.

Exercise

It’s unusual to ever regret doing a workout – even if it was tough, or you didn’t perform as well as you would have liked to. This is mostly down to the fact that when we exercise, our bodies release endorphins (happy hormones), which make us feel good. Many people say that if they’re feeling pent up, anxious, or angry and they do some exercise, then they often feel calmer, and better able to cope with the rest of the day. It’s ability to relax us can also help to improve our sleep quality.

It’s also easy to lose confidence when we’re spending a lot of time at home, and are unable to do a lot of the activities that we would usually do in the outside world. But exercise can really help with this, as it reminds us how strong and capable we are – especially when we push beyond the limits of what we thought we could achieve. Just because gyms have temporarily closed, there’s no reason why we can’t get our daily dose of exercise at home or outdoors.

If you want to use exercise as an outlet, and a way to express yourself, then it’s important to choose something that you enjoy and can become ‘your go to activity’ whenever you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. It could be anything from running, to dancing, through to taking an exercise class online. Dancing is often a popular choice, because it has the ability to make many of us smile no matter how we’re feeling, or whether or not we have any rhythm!

If you’re stuck for ideas, drop me a line, I have designed a programme of workout plans with varying intensity and times.

Experiment with fashion

It’s not uncommon to feel that because we’re staying at home more, that there’s little point putting on your favourite dress or shirt, grooming your beard, or wearing a red lip every now and again. But presenting yourself in a way that you like, can help you feel more positive, and affect how focused and motivated you feel in other areas of your life.

Experimenting with different looks and outfits, is also a way to express your uniqueness, and to strengthen the connection you have with yourself. Some people say that their dress sense and/or their grooming regime are a big part of who they are – so if they stop making an effort with these things, then it’s only natural that they might start feeling less like themselves.

Dressing in a way that makes you feel good, also has the potential to empower you and make you feel more confident. When we feel this way, we’re more likely to feel like we can tackle anything that comes our way!

If you’re feeling fed up because you can’t attend social gatherings with friends or family, and you’re pretty much living in your pyjamas, or wearing the same three outfits every week, then why not choose a couple of evenings to get dressed up anyway? It’s likely that you’ll feel much better for it, and it might also give you the extra nudge you need to schedule a video call with friends, family or work colleagues, so you can show off your efforts.

It can also be fun just to spend some time experimenting with different outfits, hairstyles, grooming regimes and/or make up ideas that make you feel good. Some people make a point of putting on a bright outfit whenever they feel low because they know it will lift their spirits, and boost their motivation. Others might simply get a lift from putting on a bit of mascara and some lipstick.

Create a vision board

Our lowest days often occur when we lose sight of our dreams and ambitions, and can no longer see a positive path forward. So, if you’re feeling like you’re struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel and visualise life beyond lockdown, then putting together a vision board might help. Vision boards are great for helping you to look forward, and imagine a reality beyond the one that you’re currently in – and looking at your vision board daily could offer you hope, and remind you of the steps you need to take to get closer to reaching your goals.

It’s important that your vision board is an honest reflection of your goals, hopes and desires, because the theory is that once you express these things – you’ll be more likely to make them a reality. It’s usually a collection of colours, words and images that mean something to you and represent the future that you would like to create for yourself.

Vision boards are really straightforward to put together, and you can spend as little or as much time working on yours as you like. You can also add to it over time, or create new ones as your goals change. All you need to get started is a cork board, (or a large piece of paper) and some drawing pins, which you can get for a reasonable price on Amazon. You can also find cork boards on Hobbycraft’s website, and drawing pins. Then you’ll need to gather as many photos, pictures and magazine cuttings as possible, so that you can arrange these on your board in a way that makes sense to you.

Immerse yourself in music

Perhaps you’ve got a keyboard, an old harmonica or a guitar that is sat gathering dust – or maybe you’ve always enjoyed singing but have never dedicated much time to it. Lockdown, although difficult, can be a great time to immerse yourself in activities that we wouldn’t usually have time for – like learning or developing your musical talents.

Whether you’re feeling heartbroken, appreciative, hopeful or upset, music can help you express it all. When playing an instrument, there are happy chords and sad ones, when we sing, we can choose upbeat songs or emotional ones, and when we write songs, we can choose lyrics that perfectly capture what we’re feeling at that moment in time.

YouTube is bursting with videos that can show you how to learn musical instruments, song write or sing– so this can be a really helpful place to get started. Alternatively, if you don’t want to create your own music, you might still benefit from putting together some playlists – perhaps one for when you’re in need of some motivation, one for when you need a good cry, and another for when you feel excited or positive. Spotify can be a great place to do this – a basic account is free, and will allow you to create as many playlists as you like, and choose from thousands of songs.

Speak to people

Although we can’t see loved ones in the way that we would like to at the moment, there are still plenty of ways you can stay connected to people, so that you have a place to offload if you need to. Video calling is one of the most popular ways to do this, so that you can see the person that you’re speaking to, and hopefully feel close to them. Or if you’re suffering from screen fatigue, you might prefer a regular phone call – perhaps you could even go out for a walk at the same time!

You can also connect with new people via support groups, online forums or Facebook groups. These are great places to have some interesting or helpful conversations with people who share similar interests, or who are going through similar experiences.

Spruce up your living space

What better time to choose a new colour for your bedroom walls, or hang some new wall art, then when you’re spending the majority of your time at home? Not only will this help you to feel more positive about the idea of having to stay indoors, but it will also give you the opportunity to get creative, change your surroundings and make your home feel more alive.

Before you start thinking about some of the ways you could do this, it can be helpful to spend some time thinking about you – what you enjoy, how you currently tend to feel when you’re at home, and how you’ll be using your living space. This will help to guide the choices you make.

For example, if you work from home, then perhaps you could spend some time creating a motivational space in your home that is exclusively for work – this could be a room, or a comfy corner, as long as when you enter that space, you feel ready to start work. Or if you live in a small flat and you’re feeling a bit boxed in, then you could consider hanging some mirrors, to open up the space, and make it feel bigger. There are also a number of things you could do to brighten the place up, like adding rugs, plants, throws or cushions.

Final thoughts….

This year has been extremely challenging for so many of us, and it’s only natural that the announcement of the second lockdown might have left you feeling deflated, angry or frustrated. However, one of the most helpful things we can do during this time, is to focus on the things we can control – like looking after ourselves – rather than the things we can’t.

An important part of looking after our mental health involves giving ourselves an outlet for any strong emotions, to prevent them from building to a level where daily life becomes unmanageable. This will mean different things to different people, so it’s important to take  time to reflect on how you’re feeling, be kind to yourself and find what works best for you.

The important stuff stays…

Pete Moore

I’m not the person you want

Waiting for that spark

That’s right, I’m not. And I would be good with that.

For a long time now I have helped and supported people to overcome various problems, reach targets, generally improve certain aspects of their lifestyle. Believe me it is an awesome feeling to see that smile when those targets are reached, milestones passed or just to relieve the stress that was getting them down.

But when the journey starts, when anyone feels down or is starting to ponder a healthier lifestyle, I am the last person to be thought of. First thoughts are along the lines of self help, which in itself is great. I believe that we should all spend time looking after ourselves. I believe it is a duty to make sure we are okay. That way we can be there for us and those close to us. And others. Those first thoughts of going to the gym, eating healthier, looking online for stress relief options is good. It shows that we know there’s a problem and we are looking for a solution.

Too often people go gung ho, try to change everything at once, which in itself becomes too much and that initial thought process dwindles back into a kind of procrastination. Basically it’s about changing small things at a time, creating little habits.

There is a sequence to change. The initial phase is Precontemplation. You know there is a problem but little is done about it at first. I’ll manage. Then there is Contemplation. Yes there is a problem and the search for an answer begins, but with no real commitment.

Then the positive changes in behaviour begin to happen. The next stage is Preparation, and this is where the intent to address the problem starts to grow, followed by Action – behaviours are modified in the attempt to make those changes. You have that initial motivation, inspiration and feel good about these changes.

Each stage can be commended because of the motivation for change. Yes, you feel there is a problem in your life that needs addressing, and yes, it is hard to change. One of the hardest phases is Maintenance, as in this stage those changes, the small alterations to your behaviour have to be sustained. Those little healthier habits you’ve formed have to be maintained in order to accomplish what you want to gain.

At any point in this sequence there is the possibility of a Relapse. That’s human nature, but something that should NOT be taken as failure. It is a chance to learn – realise what caused the relapse to occur, get back on the proverbial bike and avoid the same pitfall.

It may be a struggle, and there will be times when that extra bit of motivation is required. You want to do it, you are determined to do it. Sometimes the light goes out, or you can’t see the signpost. Then I may be given a thought.

As a Life Coach, as a Personal Trainer, I have the options, the advice and motivation. I am the guy you can talk to and realise what is ahead and what you need to do. I don’t always have the answers, but we work together to find the solution. I’m the sounding board, a spark plug that gives you the extra impetus to reach your targets.

You can do this. Be strong, know what you want and be determined to get it. You are enough. I am not the person you want, you can do this. Just remember that you are not alone, and if you happen to need an extra push, a shoulder to lean on, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

The important stuff stays. You can do this.

Age is a number

Training, nutritional and lifestyle changes can help you re-wind the clock for optimum health and longevity.

Your age influences many things about your life: your wages, insurance premiums, leisure time (including your dating habits), even your TV tastes and holiday preferences.

But it reveals surprisingly little about your personal health, fitness, vulnerability to injury and illness, or cognitive function.

What can matter, is your ‘biological age’: how your body is functioning relative to your calendar age. You’ve heard people say,”I don’t feel my age”, or,”he/she looks good for their age”.

Also known as ‘health age’, this vital statistic can reveal if you have the health of a sprinting, get up and go teenager or a sofa bound pensioner.

Let’s see how we could rewind the clock…

Do not try this at home…

Training

1) Raise your Weights-to-Cardio Ratio

Try doing two weights sessions for every cardio session.

Resistance training can prevent muscle wastage, it can trigger biological reactions that help to remove free radicals and oxidative stress, and will increase blood flow. It also boosts growth hormone, which will help you to retain bone-building calcium and fat-burning muscle as you age.

Studies have shown that people who lift weights have less visceral fat – which is linked to age-related problems like heart disease and diabetes – than those who just do cardio.

2) Do Hormone-Boosting Lifts

You don’t lose muscle because you get older – you lose it because you don’t use it. Compound moves like squats, deadlifts, bench presses and pull-ups are best for reversing the clock.

After the age of 40, you can lose 8% of muscle mass every decade, slowing your metabolism and weakening your body, so cement good habits early.

Compound lifts also increase your production of testosterone, and research in the Journal Of Clinical Endocrinology And Metabolism has linked reduced testosterone to an elevated risk of heart disease.

3) HIIT Pause With Cardio Sessions

Research by the Mayo Clinic has shown that high-intensity interval training (HIIT) slows cellular ageing by boosting the regeneration of mitochondria (your body’s energy-producing powerhouses) by up to 69%.

It also enhances lung, heart and circulation health to keep your body young.

Cardio sessions like spin classes, sprints or CrossFit classes will keep your weight down and strengthen your heart and lungs.

4) Bend the Rules of Time

To lower your body’s age you need to stay supple. Dynamic flexibility training in your warm-up or before breakfast is great. Use yoga or dynamic flow exercises to keep your hips and joints open. Sitting at a desk is terrible for our posture but, these exercises fight the bad habits which age you.

Try doing stretches throughout your working day: University of California research found that routinely sitting for ten hours a day increases your biological age by eight years.

5) Rein Yourself In

A heavy one-rep max day is fine, but not every session should be painful.

Hammering yourself every day creates cortisol and stress responses so your central nervous system takes a beating.

Your exercise should be regular – 40 minutes, five days a week will cut your biological age by nine years, according to Brigham Young University – but moderate-intensity resistance training is as good as hypertensive medication at lowering blood pressure.

NUTRITION

6) Eat More Omega-3s

Aim to eat foods that have a natural anti-inflammatory action.Good fats like omega-3 fatty acids get broken down into anti-inflammatory chemicals in the body, which help keep your cells at a good age. You get them from oily fish, olive oil, raw nuts, seeds and avocado.

Research by Japan’s National Centre for Global Health and Medicine suggested that a traditional Japanese diet high in omega-3-rich fish delivers a 15% lower mortality rate.

A study in the British Journal Of Nutrition suggested that changing to a Mediterranean-style diet of fish, vegetables, wholegrain and unrefined carbohydrates, even later in life, brings a 25% reduction in all-cause mortality.

Research in the journal Neurology has also shown that following this diet helps you retain brain volume to ward off dementia and memory loss.

8) Aim for Antioxidants

They’ll inhibit the damaging effects of oxidation.

Foods high in antioxidants include dark green leafy veg and colourful fruit – berries, in particular, promote longevity. At meal times always aim for half a plate of non-starchy vegetables.”

For an antioxidant hit, try this body-boosting green smoothie, made from three handfuls of kale, two sticks of celery, two apples, ¼ avocado, 1tsp ground flaxseeds and water.

89,90,9-damn, lost count-1,2,3…

LIFESTYLE

9) Sleep Yourself Younger

Get your eight hours. A study in Biological Psychiatry found that sleep deprivation heightened inflammatory markers linked to cardiovascular disease, hypertension and type 2 diabetes, suggesting people who sleep less than five hours a night had an “excess heart age” 5.1 years beyond their real age.

10) Remove Stress

Stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. When you sense danger—whether it’s real or imagined—the body’s defences kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight-or-flight” reaction or the “stress response.”

The stress response is the body’s way of protecting you. When working properly, it helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life—giving you extra strength to defend yourself, for example, or spurring you to slam on the brakes to avoid a car accident.

Stress can also help you rise to meet challenges. It’s what keeps you on your toes during a presentation at work, sharpens your concentration when you’re attempting the game-winning free throw, or drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching TV. But beyond a certain point, stress stops being helpful and starts causing major damage to your health, mood, productivity, relationships, and your quality of life.

If you frequently find yourself feeling frazzled and overwhelmed, it’s time to take action to bring your nervous system back into balance. You can protect yourself—and improve how you think and feel—by learning how to recognise the signs and symptoms of chronic stress and taking steps to reduce its harmful effects.

A University of California study revealed that stress is linked to higher oxidative stress – which correlates to reduced longevity.

One good test is noticing if you often use words like ‘always’ and ‘never’. Thinking in extremes and absolutes is a sign of stress. Keeping a daily journal can help you achieve clarity of thought and a sense of closure – writing involves a beginning and an end; that process in itself can encourage you to find solutions.

You can do this. The important stuff stays…

No more Negativity!

Be who you can be…

Overcome Negative Thoughts

Think of a negative person in your life, someone who always sees the dark cloud on the horizon or views the glass half empty. When you do that, consider: After spending time with them, do you leave with a sense of purpose? Do you feel uplifted by being in their presence? Feel better about yourself or your day? My bet is you left feeling emotionally dry.

Whenever you watch certain genres on TV, some show or movie that features a desert, or other barren land, odds are favourable that a cow skull will be involved, just to set the mood. The is because it is an easy reminder to the casual viewer that deserts are arid, difficult places that even the natural inhabitants struggle to survive. And when I think of negativity, and what it can do to the person, the image of that cow skull comes to mind. Negativity kills.

Calm the Chaos of Negativity

Our culture, unfortunately, lives off negativity. Although we live in comparatively healthier, more prosperous times, it’s nearly impossible to turn on the TV or scroll through social media, without coming across enough negative stories that make it seem like the sky is going to fall down.

Yes, we could switch off, divert our attention to something else, but it’s hard to ignore – that’s because bad news sells, it feeds directly to our natural negativity bias, so that even when something positive happens it will generally have less of an impact on a person’s behaviour and cognitive processes than something equally emotional but negative.

Negative thinking. It drains you of energy, it removes you from the present moment, it is infectious and spreads to others, bringing everyone down rather than lifting it up. And the more you feed it, the faster it spreads and the stronger it becomes. We don’t want it spreading to others. We want to control it. So, if we have a predisposition towards negativity or find ourselves getting stuck in a negative emotional loop, how do we escape? How can we control negative thoughts? There is a way.

Boss Negative Thinking

Negativity can destroy performance in the short term and dampen success and happiness in the long term. The primary reason to develop mental strength and resilience is to think well and be well – see truth more accurately and form thoughts more powerfully. Positive thoughts lead to greater success – negative thoughts can lead to mediocrity or outright failure.

The moment your negativity crops up there are tactics that you can use to combat this thinking. First, it is important to actually point out the source of your negative thinking. If you discover that your thoughts are negative then stop those thoughts by telling yourself “Stop!” or “Not Now!” Use these statements to bring your mind back into control.

After you have done this the next step is to redirect your mind with positive and purposeful self-talk and imagery. No of a time where you were happy, or a time where you were successful, however small you might think that success was. It will help move your mind into a new inner dialogue that is positive. The next step is to maintain this new powerful mental state with a personal mantra. In creating a personal mantra that you can repeat to yourself, it will keep negativity at bay by engaging your conscious mind in its positive words, images, feelings, and meanings. Even something like,”I am me, that is enough!”. Perhaps an image of a goal you are reaching towards. Picture it, picture that successful outcome. You will be. Something short, something memorable that gets you motivated and keeps you moving forward.

With hard work and focus, you can rewire and upgrade your mind to respond with more positive feedback. By using these tips, it will allow you to take control of negative feedback loops and improve your mental well-being. Be who you can be, be who you want to be.

You can do this. The important stuff stays…

Stacking Dominoes

Connecting the dots…

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

–Steve Jobs

Connecting the dots and stacking the dominoes is where much of the frustration and disappointment in my life has occurred.  For whatever reason, I had this belief that somehow my life could be “planned” from day to day. When I take an honest look at it, I guess it would be considered a God complex. At the very least, it was highly arrogant to believe that I had control of so many things in my daily life that I could actually predict how my future will unfold.

I became “aware” enough to start stacking the dominoes when I was in my early teens. I would make the school football team, I would be seeing a girl at school, I was going to go to College, avoid the factories, get a car and rule the world…..instead an Uncle died and knocked over my stack of dominoes. He died of a heart attack. I wasn’t even mature enough to know what a heart attack was, and it was my first experience of someone close passing away. I remember laying in bed and envisioning an animated heart with arms and a mean face beating up my Uncle.I was even afraid that the same heart would come and attack me, (it did one day, but that’s another story). I had not taken into account that I might lose a family member, ever.

As the pain eased, I began to stack my dominoes once again. I was in secondary school, enjoying different sports, discovering girls, determined to be the best I could be, educated, work hard, get married, have kids, make money, etc.….instead, a friend was killed in a boating accident. I had not even spoke to him for a little while as I had been away at College but it still managed to shake up my stack of dominoes. After his death, for a while none of the dominoes even looked the same.

Over the years there have been great life choices, decisions good and bad, trophies earned, games won and lost, exams passed, deaths in the family, money won, addictions formed, relationships ended, and families formed. My Family is one for which I will be forever grateful for their support and it is a Family of which one day I will die a proud man.

I wouldn’t say there has ever been a significant period in which to stack a string of dominoes large enough to even watch fall without the table being flipped…and for this I have to say I am grateful. Change can be good.

I don’t feel like I need a plan.

I don’t feel the pressure of forming a long-term strategy anymore.

I don’t have the concern of trying to figure out my future because there are just too many things that can go this way or that, whether I am involved or not..

It just seems easier when not trying to stack the dominoes. It’s less frustrating when you can enjoy the flipping of the tables and appreciating that all will get reorganised soon enough if you just display some patience. The dominoes will always fall. Some will land neatly and exactly where you want them, sometimes it can be a bit of a mess and they are harder to pick up, but they are always changing and that’s what makes it so much fun.

The important stuff stays. You can do this.

Self-Sabotage

Your very own saboteur…

“Why do I keep doing this?”

“How does this keep happening to me?”

These are questions you might ask yourself when you feel trapped in patterns that are creating problems in your life, problems that keep you from reaching your goals. Even though you are trying to make changes and disrupt these patterns, somehow you end up in the same place, again and again. Like Groundhog Day.

Sound familiar? You could be sabotaging yourself. When we talk about self-sabotage we are referring to behaviours and thought patterns that hold you back, preventing you from doing what you want to do and achieve.

What does it look like?

There are several ways you can sabotage yourself . Some obvious, though others can be a bit harder to recognise.

Blaming others when things go wrong

Sometimes, shit just happens. No one has to be at fault. Yes, some things might be solely the fault of someone else, but not always.

If you are tending to find fault elsewhere whenever you face struggles, it may be worth taking a closer look at the part you played in any events.

Say your partner has some relationship behaviours that affect you both. You decide they won’t change and break up with them. You feel good about the breakup, since their unwillingness to change kept you from moving forward together. Those close to you agree you did right.

Step back and take time to explore how you might have contributed to some of the issues in that relationship. See if there is anything to learn from it. Don’t sabotage your chance to learn and grow from the experience.

Walking away when the stuff hits the fan

There’s nothing wrong with moving on from situations that don’t meet your needs. There are times when this might be the best option. However, it can usually be wise to take a quick step back and ask yourself first if you really put the effort in.

Maybe you can’t seem to stay in a job for very long. You left one job because your manager treated you unfairly. You were let go from a second because of overstaffing. You left your next job because of toxic colleagues, and so on.

These are valid reasons, but such a prevailing pattern could have something to do with it. Doubts about your own ability to succeed or hold a steady job could lead you to do things that disrupt your performance or keep you from succeeding at work. Maybe you’re afraid of conflict or criticism.

It is hard, however working through struggles and problems helps you grow. If you give up before you’ve put in any effort, you will not learn how to make different choices in the future.

Procrastination

Have you ever found yourself stuck when faced with an important task? Had a mental block and lost for inspiration? We’ve all been there so you’re far from alone in this.

You’ve prepared, done all your research, and sat down to get started, only to find you just can’t begin. Your motivation has completely disappeared. So you avoid the task by cleaning out a cupboard or starting a binge TV session.

Procrastination can happen for no apparent reason, but it typically has an underlying cause, such as you are feeling overwhelmed by what you need to do, you are struggling to manage your time, or you may be doubting your ability or skill to do the task in hand.

Picking fights with friends or partners

You can undermine yourself in a number of ways.

Maybe you’re always quick to argue, even over things that don’t really matter, like who chose the last place you went for a meal. Or you do things to provoke reactions, like leave the dishes in the sink, or purposely “forget” important dates.

On the other hand, you might be quick to take offence or take things personally whether comments or actions are meant for you or not.

Maybe you have a hard time talking about your feelings, especially when upset. So you end up displaying behaviour characterised by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and passive aggression instead of more effective communication methods.

Being in relationships with people who aren’t right for you

Self-sabotaging behaviours do often appear in relationships. Being with people who don’t tick all your boxes is one common type of relationship self-sabotage.

You might:

• keep going out with a similar type of person although your relationships keep ending badly

• try to make things work with a partner who has very different goals for the future

• stay in a relationship that’s going nowhere

Maybe you’re single but keep developing attractions to people in relationships. You give non-monogamy a try but end up frustrated and hurt each time as well as hurting others.

Perhaps you want children but your partner doesn’t. Everything else is fine, so you stay in the relationship, secretly hoping they’ll change their mind.

When you fall into these patterns, you’re preventing yourself from finding someone who’s a better match long term.

Trouble stating your needs

If you struggle to speak up for yourself, you may have a hard time getting meeting all of your needs.

This commonly happens in:

• family situations

• among friends

• with colleagues at work

• in romantic relationships

• in everyday interactions

Imagine you’re in line at the shop with a sandwich for lunch. Someone cuts in front of you with a full cart of groceries. You’re in a hurry to get back to work, but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. You let them go ahead, perhaps hoping someone else complains. You end up late back for work when you really couldn’t afford to be.

Putting yourself down

People often set much higher standards for themselves than they do for others. When you fail to meet these standards, you might give yourself some pretty harsh feedback:

• “I can’t do anything right.”

• “I won’t make it, so why should I bother?”

• “Awesome, I really messed up there. I’m terrible at this.”

Whether you have a go at yourself in public or have a habit of negative self-talk, the same thing can happen: Your words may eventually be taken as truth. You start to believe these criticisms, you start to promote an attitude of self-defeat that keeps you from wanting to try again. Eventually you may even give up before you even begin.

What causes it?

Self-sabotage happens when these behaviours helped you adapt to a previous situation, perhaps trauma in your childhood or a toxic relationship, and survived the challenges you faced there. They may have calmed you or defended you. But these methods of coping only cause difficulties when your situation changes.

Lets have a look at some of the contributing factors.

Patterns learned in childhood

The patterns laid down in early relationships often repeat in relationships throughout life. People get attached to these patterns. They mean something to us, we are comforted by them and they’re hard to give up.

Maybe you had a parent who never paid much attention to you unless they were angry.

We know it’s not a good thing to get people mad, but there is something very compelling about it due to this upbringing. Getting someone angry was the only way to get interest, so you feel stuck in this pattern where it’s tempting to get people mad at you.

This might present itself, for instance, in your job. You just can’t seem to show up on time. Initially your Manager

is forgiving and encouraging, though as time goes on and you’re still late that manager gets a bit miffed and eventually disciplines you.

Past relationship problems

If you haven’t felt heard or supported when asking for what you have needed in previous relationships, you may struggle to communicate effectively in your current relationships.

Whether a previous partner had been abusive or someone who simply didn’t care about your thoughts and feelings, you may not have felt able to speak up for yourself. You felt it best to have stayed quiet in an effort to defend yourself from anger, rejection, and other negative experiences. But as a result, you didn’t learn to care for your needs.

Although your present situation differs from the past, it can be difficult to break out of the same destructive patterns.

Fear of failure

When you don’t want to fail at your job, in your relationship, or even at being a good parent, you might unintentionally sabotage your own efforts to do well. We fear that we will give all that we have to a goal and it still won’t be enough.

Wanting to avoid failure can lead you to avoid trying. If you don’t try, you can’t fail, right? You will find it easier to give yourself reasons as to why you failed than to really give it your all and still not succeed.

So imagine you’re in a new relationship that’s going very well. So well, in fact, that it can’t be true, right? You believe it’s only a matter of time before something happens to end it. “This is too good,” you tell yourself. “It can’t last.”

You don’t want to face the end, so you begin retreating from your partner, closing yourself off emotionally and starting arguments. In reality, your motivation is to bring about your own failure so you aren’t surprised when it happens.

A need for control

Self-sabotaging behaviours can also develop from your need to control a situation. By accepting that negative outcome ahead of time we feel like we are in control, even if it is not what we want to happen. We feel better when we feel like we are in control. When you’re in control, you might feel safe, strong, and ready to face anything that comes your way.

Some types of self-sabotage provide this sense of control. What you’re doing may not be great for your emotional health or relationships, but it helps you stay in control when you feel vulnerable.

In effect we control our failure when we apply this self- sabotaging thought pattern.

Take the procrastination example. Perhaps you’re putting off writing that report you’re manager has asked for because, deep down, you’re worried you won’t write it as well as you’d hoped. Writing the at the last minute won’t help the quality, but you know it will put you in control of that outcome because you chose to write it at the last minute.

This also happens in relationships. Opening up to someone emotionally can make you feel vulnerable. But by keeping things in, you maintain what feels like the upper hand. But at the end of the day, you aren’t reaping the rewards of building intimacy by sharing vulnerabilities. Opening up can produce an incredible freedom and release.

Overcoming it

Behaviours that worked for you in the past generally don’t help as much once your circumstances change. In fact, they often cause some harm. But you keep doing them because they worked well for you, once upon a time.

The good news? It’s possible to disrupt self-sabotaging patterns with a little effort.

Identify the Behaviours

Once we identify why we are exhibiting self-sabotaging behaviour we can then begin to take steps to overcome and rise above this destructive behaviour.

It’s not always easy to examine your actions deeply enough to note patterns of self-sabotage. Yes, admitting we are self-sabotaging is painful.Nobody wants to rush to that conclusion, tending to avoid it for as long as possible, until there is no choice but to face it. We know there is a problem, but it can feel easier stay with it that to find a fix.

If you feel comfortable examining your behaviour to find patterns, it helps to look at areas of life where things seem to regularly go wrong.

Do any common factors stand out? For example, maybe you detach from relationships and begin picking fights once your partner says, “I love you.” Or maybe you have a pattern of quitting jobs right before your annual review.

Learn what sets you off

Once you figure out how you sabotage yourself, take note of when you do these things. Make a list of all the things that are preventing you from having what you want. Take time to evaluate why you want this, why you want to get real with your goals. What is holding you back?

Maybe an angry tone in your partner’s voice reminds you of being yelled at in childhood. You always shut down, even when the anger isn’t directed at you.

Other triggers that often put self-sabotaging behaviours into motion include:

• boredom

• fear

• things going well

• self-doubt

Track your triggers in a journal. Practicing mindfulness. Silence that inner critic and grow an awareness of your thoughts and behaviours in the present moment, can also help.

If you still don’t feel up to it, don’t worry. It takes time. Try to remember little successes from the past, boost your confidence. Focus on self care – stop focusing on what you think you do wrong, recognise what you do right. Give yourself time to relax, eat well and get enough proper sleep. You need to feel good about yourself to move past any fears. You are the priority.

Each time you uncover a trigger, try to come up with one or two productive reactions to replace the self-sabotaging behaviour.

Get comfortable with failure, it’s life.

It’s normal to feel afraid of rejection, failure, and other emotional pain. They are not fun to deal with, and so you take steps to avoid them.

This can become problematic when the steps you take involve self-sabotage. It can prevent unwanted experiences, but you’re also bound to miss out on things you do want, such as strong relationships, close friends, or career opportunities. Just to grow and develop.

To manage this fear, work on accepting the realities of failure and pain. Yes, it is a hard task, and won’t happen overnight. Start small by attempting to view your next failure, whether it’s a relationship gone sour or a missed opportunity at work, as a possibility.

Maybe the end of this relationship means you have the freedom to look for someone more you. Or the missed work opportunity means you’ll have a bit more free time to get back into your hobbies or an opportunity to progress a skill you possess.

Talk about it

If you notice certain patterns keep appearing in your relationships, try talking to the people you’re closest to about them.

You might try saying this to your partner: “I want our relationship to work, but I’m afraid of it failing. If I seem to shut down or pull away, it’s because I’m afraid of losing you. I’m trying to work through it, but I don’t want you to think I don’t care in the meantime.”

Simply opening up and talking through a self-sabotaging pattern out loud can prevent you from carrying it out. Plus, it can be a good learning experience when the situation plays out along a different path — not down the path of self-sabotage.

Identify what you really want

Self-sabotage can happen when you’re looking for an exit, a way out. These behaviours help suggest something about your situation isn’t working for you.

If you feel unfulfilled at work because your daily tasks don’t use any of your specialised skills, you might start watching Netflix whenever you’re bored.

Or you might tell yourself you want a relationship even though you’re happiest when you’re single. In response, every time you move past the casual dating stage, you start to create conflict.

Get to know yourself better, explore what you truly want from life. This can help prevent this kind of self-sabotage. It isn’t enough to know what you want, though. You also have to respect yourself, care and support yourself enough to work for it.

When to seek help

It’s not always easy to recognise and stop some self-sabotaging behaviours, especially patterns you’ve followed for years, on your own. If your efforts to try different behaviours and responses haven’t worked, or only work for a while, therapy may be an option, and there is no shame in needing professional support. There may be something present you don’t see. It is sometimes not possible to uncover all underlying factors on your own.

Therapy can be particularly helpful for self-sabotage because you never know, due to an issue you probably aren’t aware of, you might unintentionally start to sabotage the therapy process. A good therapist will pick up on this and help bring the issue to the surface.

The bottom line

Self-sabotaging behaviours are often deeply ingrained and hard to recognise. Once you do recognise these behaviours, noticing how you hold yourself back can be hard to come to terms with.

Keep in mind, however, that by recognising these behaviours you’ve put yourself on the right path to changing them. And you don’t have to do it alone. Friends and loved ones can all offer support. (And I happen to know a good Life Coach).

Maybe you doubt you have what it takes to win that next challenge. But instead of saying, “Why bother?” and not filling in the entry form, do it. Do it and do your best.What you learn about yourself will have just as much value as winning.

You can do this, The important stuff stays…

Losing it…

An apple a day…

Anyone on a fat loss journey is usually initially motivated by belly fat but, far from pure vanity, there’s actually a reason why having a lot of fat in the abdominal region can be dangerous. Fat is stored all over our body, but how does an expanding waistline grow your risk for chronic illness?

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Your body’s fat impacts your health differently depending on where it’s stored. While most fat found on other parts of our bodies (think arms, legs, buttocks) are considered “subcutaneous fat,” belly fat is more likely to be “visceral.”

PINCHABLE VERSUS PRESSABLE

“Subcutaneous fat” is the pinchable, squishy fat right between your skin and muscle that helps keep you warm, cushions you against shock, and stores extra calories. “Visceral fat” stores calories too, but isn’t as pinchable because it is located in and around your organs. It’s hidden deep within the belly region, which is what makes it firm (rather than squishy) when you press it.

SITUATION

Fat doesn’t just store calories—it’s a living tissue capable of producing and releasing hormones that affect your other organs. Because visceral fat sits near our organs, its release of these chemicals is poorly situated. Having more visceral fat can raise your LDL (a.k.a. “bad” cholesterol) and blood pressure. Visceral fat can also make you less sensitive to insulin, which increases your risk for Type 2 Diabetes.

TELLING BAD BELLY FAT APART

Even if you’re thin, you can still have visceral fat around the abdominal region—being “skinny” doesn’t necessarily mean you’re healthy. There’s no sure-fire way to tell visceral from subcutaneous fat short of an expensive CT scan, but it’s important for you to get a rough idea of what your visceral stores are. Here are a few tricks to figure out where your belly stands:

APPLES AND PEARS

You’re probably wondering, “What does fruit have to do with it?” These two fruits give a quick visual of where most of your fat is stored on the body. Pears tend to store fat in the lower extremities (hips, thighs, buttocks) as subcutaneous fat while apples tend to store fat in the upper region (belly, chest) as visceral fat. It takes a quick inspection, but this is an imperfect way to tell these two fats apart.

WAIST CIRCUMFERENCE (WC)

Feel for the top of your hip bone (it’s at the same level as the top of your belly button) and circle a tape measure around this point. Remember to relax and don’t suck in your gut (be honest!). Take 2-3 measurements and figure out the average. Men should have a WC of less than 40 inches (102 cm) and women should have a WC of less than 35 inches (89 cm).

WAIST-TO-HIP RATIO

The waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) takes the circumference of your waist (see above) and divides it by the circumference of your hips. To measure your hips, stand in front of a mirror then figure out the widest part of your butt and measure that circumference. Then use this formula:
WHR = (Waist circumference) / (Hip circumference).
Men should have a WHR of less than 1 while women should have a WHR of less than 0.8.

KNOW YOUR FAMILY HEALTH HISTORY

If your parents or siblings have insulin resistance, heart disease or non-alcoholic fatty liver, you may be at a greater risk for storing visceral fat. Keeping an eye on your visceral fat may be beneficial, but know that the causes of these chronic diseases are complex. If you’re in doubt, it’s best to speak with your healthcare provider.

LOSING VISCERAL FAT

If you fall in the normal range for WC and WHR, that’s great! Keep working at your weight and fitness goals as you see fit. If you’re not there, don’t despair. Because of its proximity to the liver, visceral fat is usually the easier fat to burn. It’s the less risky subcutaneous fat that likes to stick around.

Unfortunately, you can’t forcefully spot reduce fat around your belly no matter how many crunches you do. The next best thing is to live a healthy lifestyle:

  •    Go beyond weight tracking. You can track your waist, hip and even neck circumference. Keep checking to see how your measurements change over time as you lose weight. Lose the scales. Don’t put extra pressure on yourself by constantly checking the numbers, once a week is enough. You will notice that you are winning by using a mirror, or clothes fit.

  •    Sweat for 30-60 minutes each day.Visceral fat responds well to regular endurance exercises, such as running, speed walking, biking, rowing, swimming, that elevate your heart rate. As your body uses fat to fuel exercise, it’ll start using up your visceral stores.

  •    Eat a well-balanced diet. Eat a diet high in whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and lean protein with calories set for gradual weight loss (e.g. about 1-2 pounds per week). Cut way back on added sugars and alcohol since these nutrients will more likely end up as visceral fat.

Don’t stress…

• Sleep more, stress less. It’s easier said than done, but in order to take care of your physical body, you have to take care of your mental state. Sleep loss and stress can sabotage your health and fitness goals, so learn more about getting a quality nights rest. Use relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga. Try an easy hobby. Look after you, calm your mind. Remember, it’s not just about your health; it’s about your happiness, too.

The HunkyDory Beginners Guide to Fitness

The fitter you feel…

So, you want to get started in fitness? Don’t worry, we all have to start somewhere, andIt’s never too late to get into shape. Whether you’re looking to improve your stamina, strength or suppleness this beginners  guide will show you how to do it enjoyably and effectively…

The main components of fitness are the three ‘S’s: stamina, strength and suppleness. Each attribute brings different body and health benefits, and requires a different type of exercise to achieve.

1 Ways to improve your stamina

To improve stamina (your ability to ‘keep going’), you need to do aerobic or ‘cardiovascular’ exercise. Cardiovascular exercise is the type that really helps your heart — studies show that even 30 minutes walking a day can lower bad cholesterol (LDL) levels and reduce blood pressure — and its high energy demand helps you shed excess pounds too.

This kind of training generally uses the large muscles of the body, such as legs, back and chest, and is of a reasonably prolonged nature (in other words, 20 minutes, rather than a few minutes). It should be intense enough to make you warm, sweaty and a little breathless but not so intense that you can’t sustain it for any length of time.

If you are able to maintain a conversation (albeit a slightly breathless one!) you’ve got the intensity right. To begin with, duration rather than intensity matters. The tougher stuff comes later on!

2 Ways to increase your strength

Doesn’t have to be weights, use a band…

Strength training, as the name suggests, is all about improving the strength of your muscles. But even if you aren’t interested in building up your biceps or streamlining your thighs, this type of exercise is important because it strengthens the ‘connective’ tissues, such as ligaments and tendons, and helps to preserve bone density, so you are more pain and injury-resilient.

Research shows that a higher muscle mass helps to preserve your metabolic rate as you get older.

There are also benefits that are nothing to do with the muscles and joints. Studies have shown that a higher muscle mass helps to preserve your metabolic rate as you get older (when normally, it would be falling). Strength training also enhances the body’s glucose uptake, lowering the risk of diabetes, and can help you maintain a healthy blood pressure.

Strength training (or ‘resistance training’) is traditionally done in a gym using weights but that’s certainly not the only way to do it! As long as the muscles have to ‘resist’ an external force that is higher than what they are used to, they will get stronger. Whether that force is a dumbbell, elastic resistance tube or even gravity, is unimportant, as far as your muscles are concerned. There are many exercises you can do yourself, without equipment at home.

3 Ways to increase your suppleness

Head, shoulders, knees and toes…

Finally, let’s look at flexibility. Suppleness is really being able to move your joints and muscles through their full range of motion. We’re not talking gymnastics or yoga, which in itself is not a good thing if you wanted to. As we age, our flexibility declines rapidly as collagen fibres within the muscles stiffen.

It’s vital that we stretch and mobilise regularly, to ensure that we don’t end up stiff and immobile, with short, tight muscles. Good flexibility is an asset both in daily life (reaching that top shelf) and sport (stretching out to return a tennis ball over the net) and being supple helps you maintain good posture, as well as minimising your risk of getting injured during activity.

I would recommend that we include all three types of training in our weekly regime. The table below offers guidelines on how much we should be doing of each type. But don’t worry if it’s beginning to sound as if getting fit is destined to take up half your waking hours, there are many ways you can fit in exercise to improve your stamina, strength and suppleness.

AEROBIC EXERCISE        3-5 workouts per week

55-90% maximum heart rate (the maximum number of times your heart can beat per minute). If you can maintain an effort that leaves you slightly breathless. Walk before you can run as a beginner, ease into it.

20-60 minutes continuous or intermittent effort.

STRENGTH TRAINING     2-3 days per week. Dependent on desired outcome       and sufficient to work all the major muscle groups.Again, ease into it. You don’t have to lift heavy weights. Lighter weights, machines in the gym or even a resistance band at home.

FLEXIBILITY TRAINING    2-3 days per week. Stretch to the point of mild discomfort, not pain     

15-30 seconds per stretch for flexibility maintenance. Longer for remedial stretching.

You may not think that merely putting a bit more effort into your daily activities would have much impact on your overall fitness, but think again. By combining daily ‘lifestyle activity’ with more structured workouts can lead to considerable fitness benefits.

Now we have an idea of what fitness is all about, how are we going to make it happen? Devoting time to structured workouts (whether they be to build strength, improve aerobic fitness or enhance posture and flexibility) is essential.

But there’s no use putting in weekly gym sessions if you spend the rest of your time sprawled out on the sofa or hunched in front of the computer. By fitting in exercise, your daily routine can make an enormous difference to your health and fitness.

One of our fitness systems that we use at HunkyDory is one that we call the Double A plan. It is basically the accumulated activity that you build up throughout the day, especially if your day is a busy one. So,instead of a 30 minute workout in the morning, you could have a 10 minute walk, a 10minute stretch at lunchtime with a 10 minute resistance workout in the evening. In whatever order that suits your lifestyle.

Many studies have shown that fitness is best achieved through a combination of ‘lifestyle activity’ and structured exercise. In other words, combining focused workouts with a more physically active and physically ‘aware’ lifestyle.

Many of us become increasingly out of touch with our bodies as we get older and less active, so that when we do try to exercise we often do it badly, inefficiently and occasionally harm ourselves in the process. Improving your body awareness is an easy lifestyle step to take in improving your fitness — both by making better use of the time you spend seated at a desk, in your car or walking around — and also in maximising the benefits you get from exercise.

You may not think that merely putting a bit more effort into your daily activities would have much impact on your overall fitness, but think about this: even if you were a very enthusiastic gym goer, and worked out for an hour five days a week, that would still only amount to five hours out of a possible 168 hours of the week. If you are inactive the rest of the time (those other 163 hours!), that structured exercise is not going to have such a great impact on your overall fitness.

Here are several ways you can put the lifestyle activity side of things into practice, whether you’ve got two minutes or 20 minutes to spare.

Got 30 seconds for exercise?

Pull in your tummy

Benefits: Strengthens the deep abdominal muscles that hold in the tummy and protect the back.

Imagine you are doing up a zip from your pubic bone to your navel, ‘drawing in’ the lower part of the tummy without holding your breath or lifting the chest. Hold for five seconds initially, and then repeat regularly throughout the day. Build up to 10, 20 and 30 second holds as you get more proficient.

Got one minute for exercise?

Roll up

Benefits: The Pilates-based roll down exercise eases out the spine, particularly after long periods sitting down.

Stand with feet 6 to 8 inches apart and knees slightly bent, arms by your sides and core engaged. Take a breath and as you exhale, draw the chin to the chest and begin to roll forwards through the neck vertebrae, the upper back, the mid back and finally the lower back, until your head and arms are hanging down by your feet. Pause to take a breath and as you exhale, ‘rebuild’ the spine by rolling back up to a standing position. Imagine the spine is like a wheel turning. Do this three times.

Got two minutes for exercise?

Stand tall

Benefits: Improved body awareness and posture.

Stand with feet 6 to 8 inches apart. Ensure the weight is evenly distributed between the front and back of the feet, and between the left and right feet. Pull up through the arches of the feet and ensure all toes have contact with the ground. Pull up through the legs but don’t make the knees rigid. Keep the hips square and level. Lengthen through the spine and engage the core, imaging the torso ‘growing’ out of the pelvis. Drop the rib cage, drawing the lower ribs down towards the pubic bone. Relax the shoulders and gently open the chest and front of the shoulders by turning your hands to face your thighs (or slightly forwards). Keep the neck long, the chin slightly retracted, and allow the head to sit squarely on top of the spine. Ensure your buttocks are ‘toned’ but not clenched, and the backs of the knees relaxed. Breathe freely.

Got three minutes for exercise?

Go for ab-solution

Benefits: Stronger, more toned tummy muscles.

In the next commercial break when you are watching TV, get down on the carpet, cross your arms over your chest and draw your belly button down towards the spine — then curl the torso up and forward, until your shoulders come off the floor. Pause, lower and repeat as many sets of eight as you can…

Got four minutes for exercise?

Take the stairs

Benefits: Strengthens the heart and lungs (aerobic fitness) and the leg muscles.

Walk at a steady pace up and down the stairs for 4 minutes. You can spread this out throughout the day rather than doing all at once if you prefer.

Got five minutes for exercise?

Dance away

Benefits: Eases tense stiff muscles, improves stamina and mobility.

Put on a tune that you love to move to, draw the curtains and dance!

Got 10 minutes for exercise?

Go for a walk

Benefits: Cardiovascular exercise and strengthens leg muscles.

Put on a pedometer and a pair of comfortable shoes and count how many steps you can take in 10 minutes — (or do it on a treadmill and see how far you can travel). The distance will increase as you get fitter. This is something you can repeat throughout the day — studies show that as long as bouts of aerobic exercise are 10 minutes or more, they can count towards your recommended daily 30-minute target.

Got 12 minutes for exercise?

Do some chores

Benefits: Upper body strength, some stamina.

Grab a brush or broom and start sweeping the garden or yard. If you don’t have either,sweep the floors!

Got 15 minutes for exercise?

Go shopping

Benefits: Aerobic exercise and strength

Instead of waiting till you need so much shopping that you need to drive to the supermarket, do a ‘mini-shop’, and carry the bags home, with an even weight in each hand.

Got 20 minutes for exercise?

Clean up

Benefits: Gentle aerobic activity combined with strengthening and stretching of the upper body.

Take your pick from vacuuming to cleaning windows, scrubbing floors to polishing surfaces, dusting and tidying things away. Change the bed. Grab your pegs and hang out the washing. Put music onto encourage you to go at it with gusto and liven up dull tasks.

See how easy it is to make life more active? When working out it’s important that every fitness session has a purpose. Different types of workouts work on different aspects such as aerobic fitness, strength or flexibility. Whatever your main fitness goal, it’s important that your fitness regime is balanced so that you don’t work on one element of your fitness to the detriment of others.

Structured workouts

Now let’s look at structured workouts — the ones that you actually have to make time for. Every workout you do should have a goal, a purpose. If you’re just at the gym watching the clock, with no particular focus, you are wasting valuable time.

As we have already learned, different types of workouts work on different aspects of fitness — aerobic fitness, strength or flexibility. So the first thing you need to do is decide what your main fitness focus is. But even then, it’s important to ensure that your overall regime is balanced.

For example, even if your goal is to improve your stamina, you should still do a little strength training and stretching to supplement it. Don’t get too hung up about your training focus if you’re starting from scratch and simply want to build up your overall fitness — your structured workouts can combine all three ‘S’s: strength, stamina and suppleness.

How? Well, let’s look at the anatomy of the perfect workout …

The workout warm-up

Every decent workout starts with a warm-up. This gets the body primed for activity, by raising body temperature and heart rate and making muscles more flexible. Start by taking each of the major joints (the neck, shoulders, spine, hips, knees and ankles) through its full range of motion — for example, roll the shoulders all the way around, bend and extend the knees fully, circle the ankles. This helps to lubricate the joint surfaces so that movement is more comfortable, smooth and safe. Don’t swing or yank your limbs, though — keep everything very gentle and easy. Next, perform some gentle aerobic activity for about 5 minutes. This could be brisk walking, easy cycling, jogging or stepping. Now you’re ready to get going!

Aerobic exercise

The aerobic section of your workout should last 20 to 50 minutes (beginners should start at the lower end of the time span and work upwards), and needs to be done at a pace that makes you feel warm, slightly breathless and a bit sweaty. On a scale of 1 to 10, you should be working at your own personal 5 to 7 out of 10. You should still be able to hold a conversation.

The good thing about using the 1 to 10 scale is that as you get fitter, you’ll actually be working at a higher intensity for the same effort level. In other words, you might still be working at, say, 6 out of 10 but the actual pace or intensity will be greater. Don’t make the mistake of sticking at the same level of intensity even though you’ve become fitter – otherwise you won’t make progress. Remember also to gradually increase the duration as exercise becomes easier. At the end of your aerobic workout, cool down gradually rather than stopping suddenly. If you aren’t doing any strength training, remember to stretch afterwards, too.

Strength training

The goal here is to work all the major muscle groups of the body: the chest, back, bottom, legs, arms, shoulders and abdominals. Sounds as if it could take all day? Don’t worry, for the first few weeks of strength training you’ll see results from just one exercise per body part — and one set of each exercise. However, don’t waste that set by using weights that are so light that you can do endless repetitions!

In order to see changes in your muscles strength and tone you need to use a weight that you can only lift 8 to 12 times, so that the last couple of repetitions (reps) are quite tough. As you get stronger, you can introduce additional or alternative exercises for each body area, or increase the weights, reps and sets. It’s best to ask a personal trainer or gym instructor to show you which exercises to do and how to do them correctly. Even a full body strength workout need only take 20 to 30 minutes.

Stretching

The last piece of the jigsaw is to do some stretching. This is really important, even if you’re not bothered about improving your flexibility, as the muscular contractions involved in strength training and aerobic exercise shorten muscle fibres, and they need to be restored to their normal resting length to prevent them tightening up and, over time, shortening permanently.

Stretch each of the major muscle groups (remembering to do both sides, where appropriate) — taking each stretch to the point of tautness rather than pain and holding for 15 to 30 seconds. Your stretch routine should take around 10 minutes.

So you see, you can build stamina, strength and suppleness all in under an hour! Make time for three workouts a week and you’ll soon be well on your way to a fitter body, better health and bags of energy.

You can do this, the important stuff stays…

10 Pieces of Advice for Amazing Change

The Road to Change…

I’m fortunate because I’ve had the chance to personally coach a range of people since I started in 2001. Many people have been to my website and I’ve engaged with most of them through comments and emails.

The time spent with people has given me the experience of seeing first hand what people are struggling with and I’ve witnessed what works and doesn’t work when it comes to achieving the results that people want.

Below are what I believe to be the 10 most important pieces of advice I can give anyone who’s ready to transform their life. If you can focus your time and energy on incorporating these things into your life you will see transformation…

1️⃣ Eat when you’re hungry but not starving, stop when you’re satisfied but not stuffed. This takes care of intuitively figuring out how much food you need to eat to optimally fuel your body. This is a skill which takes practice to get right, especially if you’ve been out of touch with your hunger signals. Be patient.

2️⃣ Eat mostly the foods you need to help with your targets, but include fun foods whenever necessary. Practicing moderation is the key to you not feeling deprived with your eating (and your life). Pay attention to how your food choices make you feel. This is the key to naturally moving to an eating style that makes you feel your best.

3️⃣ Make physical activity an enjoyment. If you could never lose or gain another pound what would you do for exercise? Your answer will tell you what you should be focusing on, as the reward you receive from the activity itself is what will fuel your consistency for life.

4️⃣ Focus on how you think over your behaviours. Admittedly this seems back to front, but our behaviours are a function of our thoughts. Most people focus on “doing”, and then wonder why they can’t maintain their behaviours. Your mindset is what connects your actions to your outcomes. It’s the fuel for what you do.

5️⃣ Calorie counting and the scales are tools to be used when or if necessary. They aren’t required but they can benefit you if used right. Don’t become dependent on these tools because you will become out of touch with your body’s signals and be unable to self-validate your behaviours. Be in control of your feelings and behaviours. Build a good foundation first, and then layer in these tools if needed.

6️⃣ Asking “how many calories do I eat to lose weight?” is the wrong first question to ask. Instead, ask – “why haven’t I already been eating less than I am now?” How much you eat is a side effect of your relationship with food, so get down to the root of the problem (emotional eating, feeling restricted/deprived, the weekday/weekend cycle, diet mentality, etc) and fix that before trying to force an outcome.

7️⃣ Figure out why you want to lose weight. What is the reason behind your thoughts. This will help you determine who you’re doing this for (yourself or for other people), and whether you’re doing it because you want to feel your best or because you feel pressure to. The more you can make this journey about you and your needs and your desire to feel your best the more motivated and successful you will be.

8️⃣ Your body and your body image are not the same thing. Your body is what you see – your body image is what you perceive. Most of the pain people feel around their bodies is emotional, which is a function of body image. But since body image is just perception, you can decide how you see yourself and end your emotional pain without ever changing your physical body. Work on your body and your body image concurrently so you feel best both physically and mentally.

9️⃣ Your ideal body is something that happens by side effect. It’s a side effect of 4 core relationships – food, body, exercise, and mind. When those 4 relationships are interlocked your ideal body is the product. That’s when you feel free around food, excited about physical activity, feel at peace with your body, and are living your full life experience. Focus on the process and let the outcome take shape on its own.

🔟 Your breakthroughs are the result of your struggles. The bigger the struggle you overcome, the bigger the breakthrough you experience. Start to view struggles differently – see them as a sign you’re on the right track, and actually get excited that personal growth is on the other side. This is the ultimate key to sticking with your journey and experiencing transformation. It’s also one of the most difficult things to accept.

Ask…

Okay People, You’ve asked someone how they are doing, and if they are okay. No is the reply. What do you do next?

Are you okay?

In the present time, on top of everything else, for many of us the COVID-19 pandemic has negatively affected our mental health. It’s important to check in on family, friends, work colleagues – and ask how they are; but what do we do if they are not okay?

Here are a few things to think about if someone is going through a crisis.

One thing before we start, you have to think about yourself first. You can’t support anyone if you are having a bad time yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as the saying goes. If you are in a good place, “and your cup is full”, let’s continue.

1. Walk through the mud with them

You have asked someone if they are ok, and sometimes you may have to ask twice before you get the right answer – they let you know they are not coping well. Pay full attention now because it’s their stage, it is their time to talk. Listen intently to understand, don’t reply quickly or give them advise. Try not asking questions, and listen to what they have to say. Do not give them any of your life anecdotes, or that you know someone who isn’t well. You may want to nod your head, say ‘mmm’ or offer short responses such as ‘that sounds really tough’ as they are telling their story. This lets them know you are listening.

By doing this, we are ‘walking through the mud with them’ and discovering how they are feeling and what they have been going through. It is important to know this may be the first time they have ever reached out for support. We have to be patient and give them time.

2. Understand

Understand: Carefully listen, hear what they are telling you. Try to understand why they are feeling the way they do. Make some mental notes on the key ‘themes’ or ‘issues’ they are bringing up. Did something happen that triggered their feelings, a specific event, or has this been building up over time?

At this point, it’s time to ask questions and be clear on their feelings. Try not to use closed questions. Closed questions require a yes or no response, for example, “So you are depressed?”). Open questions allow the person to answer the question however they like, expand on their reply. This will give you insight into how they are feeling. Some questions that may be helpful include: “Can you tell me how you felt when that happened?” / “How do you feel now?” / “I am here for you. Can you tell me what happened to make you feel this way?

3. Recognise

Recognise if the person is in crisis. ‘Being in crisis’ means different things for different people. It is generally understood as being a critical moment where someone is particularly vulnerable. Some examples of crisis are: being unable to function or care for themselves, being unable to continue normal activities such as work or parenting, having thoughts of suicide, and having thoughts of hurting others.

If we are unsure if the person is in crisis it is important to ask them.

This can prove a bit scary, especially if the person is close, a loved one or friend. It is important to ask because their answer will determine what we do next. Be sure to be direct and use clear language.

For example, “From what you have told me it sounds like you are really struggling right now. I really care about you and want to support you. I am not here to judge you, but it’s really important that I know the answer to this question. Have you had thoughts of suicide?” OR “I can hear you are feeling depressed and are finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Do you think you will be able to continue working at the moment?”

4. Connect

It is really important to recognise that you cannot fix their problems — you are not a mental health professional. You are people who care about them and are here to support and connect them to resources.

At this step, we connect them to support services. If they are having a serious mental health crisis, such as having thoughts of suicide or wanting to hurt others, get medical professional advice immediately.If they are not having a serious crisis, but still need support, there are several ways you can help.

• There are many telephone counselling and helplines available across the world. A quick google search will tell you the name and number of the one in your area. Ask the person if they want to give them a call. It can be scary to tell a stranger about how we are feeling, but often this can be a great first step to speaking to an objective person, who can offer further support and referrals.

• Book in with a medical professsional to discuss treatment options. This may include a referral to a psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor. You could offer to drive them to the appointment or call them while they are on their way for support.

• There are heaps of self-help resources out there. Encourage your friends to explore these online, or print out the information you think may be helpful. It is always best to get this information from reputable sources.

• Ask if they have someone else in their life they want to tell how they are feeling. Again, while this can seem super scary, it is important to establish a strong support network of friends, relatives and/or colleagues

5. Check-In

Regardless of whether the person was in a serious crisis or their concern was less serious, it is important we check in with them later.

Involving the person in this decision is best. Ask their permissions and make a plan. “I understand things are really tough right now. You have been so fantastic in reaching out for support with me today. Can you ring me after the doctor’s appointment and let me know how it goes?”

Remember, your top priority should always be your own well-being. If you ever feel unable to help, out of your depth, or just need advice, you have a few options.

• Many areas have helplines, are available to those caring or supporting someone with a mental health problem. Never be afraid to reach out and ask for support.

• If you are in a job that offers an Employee Assistance Program, these are normally free or low-cost services that offer access to mental health professionals. These services are usually confidential and a great option.

• Connect with other carers, or supports of people with mental illness. There are heaps of online forums, Social media groups and websites are a quick search away.

In ideal world, we would live stress free in a happy, peaceful existence. Unfortunately we are constantly bombarded with matters and events to cope and deal with. Mostly we just do, we achieve things, we get through, we work hard and enjoy our lives and successes. However, there are times where, for some reason, we or those close to us find it harder to cope, harder to get through and enjoy life.

It is at those times where we need someone, we just don’t see it clearly. I used to look on life as carrying your own water, but sometimes that bucket of water gets too heavy to carry on your own, so that’s when you need help.

I hope this has given you something to think about should you ever be in that situation. I hope not. I hope that everyone can enjoy their lives peacefully and positively.

The important stuff stays…

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