Suppressing your appetite doesn’t make your need for energy go away.

If you’re hungry, it’s for a reason – your body is asking for energy (calories). Suppressing your appetite just postpones the inevitable – eating. It creates a build up of energy demand that loads like a spring until you eventually give in and give your body what it needs to thrive.

Yet we think we’re being clever. We think we’re tricking our bodies into eating less by hacking our hunger.

We might even get some positive reinforcement. Our hunger might pass after using one of these suppressing strategies. But it always comes back. And for good reason – your body needs energy.

It seems a little silly to say. We all know we need energy. We know we need to eat. We even use calories when we sleep, when we rest. Yet here we are trying to ignore a perfectly normal signal to our body.

Why? To lose weight?

We’re honouring our weight loss over our body’s needs. And that never works out well in the end.

Look, to lose weight you just need to be in an energy deficit. The right activity, taking in the right calories. The problem is most people take this way too far. They get greedy. They lack patience.

So they try to eat as little as they can. And once they reach that point they try to suppress their appetite – you know, that thing that tells you you’re not eating enough. Then you get tired, you get fatigue, so you don’t exercise, or use the correct form.

You don’t have to suffer through hunger to lose weight. You don’t have to engage in crazy hunger suppressing tactics either.

You absolutely can honour your hunger and have weight loss goals at the same time. But you’re going to need a shift in thinking.

Your weight loss goals work best when you’re fuelling your body well, consistently moving your body doing physical activity you enjoy, and living life.

Starving yourself will never work in the end.

Your life, Be Happy in it. The important stuff stays…

Change can be that bit easier if you start right…

I’m assuming that you are reading this because you’d like to make a “change” to your life.

If that`s correct, great. And good news: you’ve come to the right place.

It may be that you want to lose weight from around your middle. You might want to add some muscle for a stronger and more athletic look. Perhaps you just want to get a little bit fitter, healthier and happier so you can look and feel better, both in your own skin and your outlook. It may be the case you need to offload, open up about the problems that are causing you stress.

You see, “change” means something different to everyone. Your vision of change will be different to mine, or to your friends, family and colleagues.

And that’s why in order for you to turn your personal hope into a reality, you need to know exactly what “your change” is, and what it means to you.

Abstract ambition

To explain. Most people would like to “lose some weight”. You’ve almost certainly said it at some point, which is likely why you`re reading this in the first place. I know that I’ve said it. But when we say “I want to lose some weight”,apart from body fat, what does it mean – really? 

After all, there’s very few professions where your weight genuinely matters. All I can think of is astronaut, jockey or boxer. Otherwise it’s just a number on a set of bathroom scales (which we need to lose).

Feel-good factors

So when we say we want to lose weight, we’re not actually saying we want to lose weight. It’s just a term, really, because muscle weighs heavier than fat. We are really saying we want to feel or do things that we currently don’t feel or can’t do.

In reality, we are saying one or some of the following:

“I want to feel more confident”

“I want to be fitter for my kids” 

“I want to feel less stress in my life, or more able to cope”

“I want to look fit and healthy”

“I want to feel happier”

“I want my clothes to fit better”

Reframe your fitness!

My point is this: if we only ever say “I want to lose weight” then the chances are we won’t succeed. The key to all successful efforts is to know exactly why you want to do it. 

It doesn’t have to be a single reason; it can be a combination of related or unrelated factors. The only thing they need to have in common is that they are positive motivating forces.

So instead of thinking: “I don’t want to feel fat”, tell yourself, “I want to feel healthier”.

Identifying your real reason you want to change, then reframing it in a positive way, will give you the focus and motivation you need to take the small and smart steps that will move you closer to achieving your goal.

So today, when you get five minutes, sit down with a piece of paper and write down the real reason you want to change your life for the better. I’m not exaggerating when I say that finding the time to do this simple exercise will be the single-biggest factor behind you finally achieving your health goals, or your fitness targets, so you can start living the life you want, and deserve.

Helping hand

If you’re struggling to identify your real reasons for wanting to get your life in shape, then I want to do everything I can to help. Simply drop me a line at info@hunkydory.me and we’ll put our heads together to come up with a plan of action to get you to where you want to be.

It will be HunkyDory – Your life, be Happy…

For many of us, even at a social distance, the gradual easing of lockdown brings longed-for opportunities – see family and friends, play sports, or get back to work that we value, (even if we don’t realise it when we are there!) 

But for many of us, even anticipated changes, as happy as we feel about some of them, can be difficult for our mental health. 

And for many others the prospect of coming out of lockdown when debate is still live about the science supporting it can be a real worry. This may especially apply to those more vulnerable to the virus and those of us with mental health concerns. 

People shielding or more at risk 

For those who were shielding, the easing of lockdown measures had been very minimal, although now they can venture out, albeit gradually and with caution. 

 People aged over 70, pregnant women and people with a long-term health condition are groups identified as being at greater risk from coronavirus, although only some will have been asked to shield. 

 However, they have been advised to take extra care of themselves to minimise their risk of contracting the virus. For these groups in particular it might be difficult to see their lives returning to anything like ‘normal’ for a much longer time.   

 So where are the challenges to our mental health coming out of lockdown, and what can we do about them? 

What are the mental health challenges, and what can we do? 

We should be prepared for the fact that the end of lockdown might be as hard for us as the start was.  

Just as it took us time to find ways of coping, it should b expected that it will take time to find our way back, to reconnect with life.  

Mental health advice about finding routines, staying connected, eating well, and taking exercise apply just as much now as when lockdown began– arguably even more so as we remain in a period of stress and with more demands on us. 

Our situations, our lives, are unique to us, and so it is really important to try not to judge ourselves harshly based on what other people are doing. Everybody is facing uncertainty and challenge – we have to try and move through it as best we can. 

Fear and anxiety

The most common emotional responses any of us will feel as the lockdown eases, are fear and anxiety. Finding a way through lockdown took a lot of our emotional energy and having found a place that helps us cope, we perhaps are not quite ready to leave that place behind just yet. 

Many of us will fear getting ill with the virus, or passing infection on one close to us because the risk increases when people interact. This response is entirely normal, but that risk can be reduced by following the guidelines.  

Every time we go back to something it is going to feel unusual or even scary. We might feel nervous or anxious.  

That may be because we haven’t done it in a while, and we’ve forgotten how it feels – like going to work. It might be because things have changed because of the pandemic and the routines have changed – like one-way systems, queues to enter shops, having to wear face coverings.  

It’s important to acknowledge that these feelings are reasonable, and to expect them. We could try to build up an tolerance gently so that we can move through these fears. 

We might experience feelings of anger and frustration at other people’s behaviours and feel the urge to rush to make judgment or make comments on social media that reflect our anxiety. While it is important to share concerns with people we trust but we also need to bear in mind that we can’t control others’ behaviours, and that commenting online can lead to unpleasant situations.  

If you can, express your frustration quickly and privately with someone you trust – then let it go. Try not to hold on to negative thoughts. 

For many people the pandemic has increased their anxiety, or made existing mental health issues worse. It may take longer to adjust to necessary changes – for example one-way systems in shops blocking off safe exit routes or wearing face masks triggering trauma flashbacks, or panic attacks because of the sensation of not being able to breathe.  

Try to take things at your own pace – but also challenge yourself to try something different each day or every couple of days. It’s easy to allow the seclusion that was necessary in lockdown to become deliberate isolation as lockdown ends. Treat yourself for small wins (and the big ones) and try and keep a note of what you are achieving.  

For many the lockdown has been relatively quiet and isolated, but returning back into shops, traffic, transport, and work might lead to sensory overload – try not to feel overwhelmed by sights, sounds or smells. Headphones may be a good way to reduce some of this by helping you to focus and creating a distraction with calls, music, podcasts or audiobooks. Just remember to be safe with your surroundings!)

Tips on coping with fear and anxiety

There are a lot of things you can’t control that may cause you fear and anxiety – Control what can be controlled; there are some things you can manage or plan for. Create an action plan for managing things that you might find difficult can help.  

Pace yourself – recognise that you need to go at the right pace for that works for you is important. Don’t feel bullied or pressurised into doing things you don’t want to – but don’t let that be an excuse not to push yourself, to challenge yourself, especially now when it comes to reconnecting with friends safely, outside your home, now that rules allow and the time is also right for you. It can be hard, but let others move forward without you – perhaps someone you know wants to see friends or needs to return to work, but you can’t. It’s important to discuss concerns with those close to you, but also to allow other people space to move at their own pace. Your moment will be your moment, but have reasons, not excuses. Push yourself, however gently at first.

Build up tolerance – try doing something that challenges you every day, or every few days. Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go well but keep at it. Keep a note of things you’ve achieved, enjoyed or surprised yourself doing.  

Vary your routines – try and vary your routines so that you see different people and encounter different situations. If one supermarket makes you nervous, try another. If a walk at one time of the day is very busy, try mixing walks at busy times with walks at quieter times. 

Talk to work – Many workplaces are allowing more flexible working even if people need to return. If you are finding it hard to get to work, or do particular shifts or activities because of anxiety or fear, speak to your manager or a colleague you trust if that feels right. If you have or have had longer term mental health problems, you may be entitled to reasonable adjustments as a disabled person under the Equality Act. Even if you haven’t disclosed before, if it feels safe to do so now you might be able to benefit from doing so. 

Coping with uncertainty

There has been a lot of talk of a ‘new normal’ – normal is changing which means uncertainty, and managing risk, are going to be the reality for the foreseeable future. This is not something that’s comfortable for many of us, particularly when we’re only just about coping with our mental health. But that uncertainty and managing risk can also mean positivity and fresh challenges, chances to grow.

‘New normal’ for a lot of us will mean ‘what we need to get through today, or this week’ – it will be difficult to predict what the course of the rest of the year will look like, and with so much of the media talking about possibilities and stages without any degree of certainty, it’s easy to get caught up in ‘what-ifs’. 

It will help to focus on the things we have learned and achieved in the last few months.  

Most of us have been tested in ways we never imagined, have passed those tests and found new ways to manage – or even flourish. For many of us lockdown has challenged our values and what is important to us. The life, values, and attitudes we had in early March might not be the ones we want to return to in July, and there may be opportunities for us to make positive changes in our lives as well. 

Focus on the present – you can only do your best with what you have today. With regulations changing frequently, and lots of conflicting media discussions, try and keep a focus on the moment. Mindfulness meditation is one way of bringing your mind back to the present moment.  

Bring things that are certain back into focus – whilst a lot of things are uncertain at the moment, there are also things to be hopeful about. Try to record and appreciate good things as they happen. Try and take opportunities to reset and relax. 

Talk to people you trust – it’s important to talk about how you feel. Don’t dismiss your concerns or judge yourself too harshly.

Habits of happy people

We know that happiness is defined by the individual, after all the beauty of us is that we are all different. And it would be a bit silly to state that nothing can be learned from observing the happiness of others.

Examining how to be happy is benefited from observing the patterns of others, and then taking only what you find useful. Inspiration is the goal, after all, there are no rigid rules on being happy.

I’ve spent a great deal of time learning more about the subject — happiness in work and life is a topic to take seriously, so I’m always on the hunt for inspiration.

These are a few of my favourite thoughts on the subject.

1. Think of Yourself Less

Our self-esteem is a bit of a tricky topic, because current thinking on self-esteem paints a very inconsistent picture: it seems that high self-esteem is certainly related to happiness, but it can produce other problems with the ego.

For instance, self-esteem that is bound to external success can be a bit fickle — some students who tied their self-esteem to their grades experienced small boosts when they received an acceptance letter, but drops in self-esteem when they were rejected.

Indeed, similar findings can be found for those who base their self-esteem on career success and appearance. Conversely, those who don’t tie their self-esteem as strongly to external motivators tend to have less of a “roller coaster” of emotions to the things that happen to them, and are generally more happy as a result.

 Basing your self-esteem on career success or appearance can lead to a focus on a “fear of failure” over the quest for success, which can cause a mindset that “protects” the self-esteem. Staying in a comfort zone, so to speak, so one isn’t ever seen as a failure.

(“Well, it doesn’t’t matter that I failed, because I wasn’t even trying…”)

Instead, find a happy middle ground. Don’t think less of yourself as a person, but think of yourself less, focusing more on betterment of yourself for the sake of those around you, rather than for your own ego.

2. Be Busy, but Not Rushed

Easier said than done, right?

Quite true, because feeling “rushed” is a one-way street to stress and unhappiness. Less and less people can find that happy medium of being just busy enough.

It seems strange that being very productive would cause one to be happy, but finding that balanced free time is key, as too much boredom can be burdensome — strive for a productive life at a comfortable pace.

Often in finding this balance, you’ll have to find out how to say “no” to things. It either needs to be a ”Let’s go for it!”, or a simple “No.” That is, if an opportunity comes across your plate (and the more you branch out, the more things will), you need to either be gung-ho about the idea, or you’ll need to say ‘no’ to it.

3. Have 5 Close Relationships

Relationships are perhaps the most important thing (without exaggeration) when it comes to overall life satisfaction, at least for most people.

I’m not telling you as your health coach, I’m telling you because I’ve seen that having a close group of people in your life can keep you happy for life (it can also help you live longer).

The number is often debated, but remember that it’s not about debating the little things, it’s about the overall lesson. I chose 5 for this subheading because it seems to be a low-end average.

I’ve yet to see any compelling evidence that more friends = happier, because after all, the quality of the people in your life matters the most, just be sure to acknowledge that there are many friends to be made, and maintaining a small circle can go a long way in making you a happy person.

4. Be Proactive About Your Relationships

This applies to all relationships, but especially with your significant other. Plenty of evidence suggests that many relationships (especially marriages) decline over time.

So what can you do?

Often a relationship can go sour if you let it go on autopilot, and there are few things worse for happiness than losing a close companion.

Here are a few other findings from the literature:

• Regularly check-in with family and good friends (around 1-2 weeks for very close friends).

• Celebrate the good things in their life; let them know through active and constructive listening (ie, not just saying “that’s great to hear!”).

• Don’t be a conversational narcissist. Studies show people love hearing themselves talk and talking about themselves, so let them.

Taking care of yourself is apart of taking care of others. In this way, your mutual dedication to improving yourself benefits both of you.

The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.’

5. Move beyond the Small Talk

The quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people has certainly made its rounds on many a Social media feed, but is there any truth to it? It has been said that small talk, instead of predicting your intelligence, may instead actually hinder your happiness. Small talk is obviously important for smoothing into social conversations, especially with new acquaintances (“Nice to meet you, what’s your opinion on the weather we’re having?”).

In the long term, however, a happier life can be had by avoiding trivial chatter in favour of longer, more thoughtful conversations. In general, talking with others is a good thing for our happiness, but when the conversation is always superficial, it begins to take a toll.

Deep conversations are often those we reserve for close friends and family, which again explains why close relationships are so important for our happiness.

6. Treat Yourself (the Small Pleasures Matter)

Jokes aside about treating yourself. You need to have small wins along the way in order to be truly happy — across many different domains, happiness is more strongly associated with the frequency than the intensity of people’s positive effective experiences.

Regular small pleasures have a bigger impact on happiness than fewer larger ones. Perhaps this is why it’s often so difficult to put off what we want now for what we want later, so beware of the trap here: tough accomplishments that have to be earned often result in a happier day-to-day (working hard to get a promotion, start a successful business, win an award, get in shape, etc.)

In what is one of the funniest excerpts I’ve ever stumbled on in a psychology book, Stumbling on Happiness shares this excerpt from a study that shows why the happiest people often only had 1 sexual partner in the past 12 months:

Why would people who have one partner be happier than people who have many? One reason is that multiple partners are occasionally thrilling, but regular partners are regularly enjoyable. A bi-weekly ride on a merry-go-round may be better than an annual ride on a roller coaster.

Clearly a little treat and consistency now and then can go a long way for your happiness while you make plans for your big goals.

7. Plan Fun, and Spend Money on Experiences

While spontaneous fun is always a good thing, it’s the planning of future activities that often adds to the fun. Specifically planning a nice dinner can have the same effect. In fact, most people, I think, would actively schedule their dinner a week in advance, instead of the next night:

Why the self-imposed delay? Because by waiting a week, these people not only got to spend several hours eating a lovely meal and sipping Fine wine,  but they also got to look forward to all that dining and sipping for a full seven days beforehand.

Not only that, but these “experiential purchases” tend to make us happier, and most people are far more happier when buying experiences vs. buying material goods.

You’ve likely heard this before, but why is this the case? Experiences trump material purchases (in general) for the 5 following reasons:

1. Experiences improve over time: a great experience tends to age like a fine wine. Physical items can get old quickly (“Ugh, my phone is 2 months out of date!”), experiences can be relieved and shared for years.

2. People revisit experiences more often: Going hand-in-hand with the above point,  experiences tend to get recalled more often. You probably don’t reminisce about that first bicycle you bought, but it’s likely that you remember the first time you went out on it.

3. Experiences are more unique: say what you want, but people love comparing themselves, and they prefer to stand out if they’re able. Since purchases are often so common, we are more likely to compare what we buy with others (which can result in buyer’s remorse). But experiences always have a bit of a unique twist to them, so we are far less likely to make comparisons, and simply enjoy them as they are, relishing in their unique nature.

4. We adapt slowly to experiences: Another reason why experiences seem so awesome to us is that it takes our brain longer to get used to them. Have you ever felt really energised coming back from a great show/dinner/vacation? It’s less likely that a purchased item kept you excited for that long, and it’s because we are better able to adjust to material purchases.

5. Experiences are social: human beings are social animals, that’s a fact. Did you know that true solitary confinement is often classified as “cruel and usual” punishment due to the detrimental effects it can have on the mind? Experiences get us out of our house and sometimes out of our comfort zone, which is a fantastic way to stop us getting housebound..

8. Show Some Appreciation

Psychology doesn’t’t always tell us what we want to hear, so it’s nice when a good deed lines up with a great personal benefit.

Showing some gratitude for someone (or even for what you have) boosts happiness by a noticeable level. 

How can this realistically be applied though?

Writing thank-you notes (or just a nice letter) is an effective method of increasing happiness and life satisfaction. There are a lot of fringe benefits to this as well — people rarely get handwritten notes much anymore, so they stand out over a “thnx” via text.

Handwritten letters are also a great way to start the process of reciprocity. Though you should be sending them out of sincere appreciation for someone, remember that true networking is about helping and letting people know that they matter to you.

9. Change Your Perspective

The simple act of listing 3 good things that happened that day (no matter how small) increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms.

Furthermore, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes (and avoiding a pessimistic outlook) really can make you feel better about your situation. Perhaps most interestingly, a change in view can have a really big impact on your overall happiness.

It’s known that ”the bad stuff” often outweighs the good in our minds, so perspective changes can help us out when times get rough. So the next time you hear advice that you should believe in yourself and appreciate what you have, know that it’s not as superficial as it might seem.

10. Pick a Skill; Master It

Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything.

As it turns out, regularly engaging in your signature strengths is a great way to feel better about yourself.

The long and short of it is that you should find something to excel in, and do it as often as you can.

I know, this is one of the more generic ones on this list, but I hope it serves as some food for thought for renaissance men and women — you can certainly still dabble in lots of things, but giving a single skill/task/achievement enough time for mastery may allow for an exceptional experience in itself.

You should also know that mastering a skill may be just as stressful as you might think. Although the process of becoming proficient at something can take it’s toll on people in the form of stress, people have reported that these same activities made them feel happy and satisfied when they looked back on their day as a whole.

11. Exercise

Some people won’t like this bit, but there is no getting around it. I don’t care how much you hate exercise, there are so many benefits for it (both physically and psychologically) that you should be doing it regularly in some form.

To add to the pile, exercise is a proven strategy for feeling better, increasing your energy levels, and reducing tension. 

Yes, starting to exercise may suck at first, but even taking the first step with a short activity may be enough — research suggests that a high-intensity session for just 7 minutes can offer a slew of health benefits.

Not only that, those who are just getting started often see the biggest boost in happiness:

The release of endorphins has an addictive effect, and more exercise is needed to achieve the same level of euphoria over time.

For the rest of us? Switching up routines and making exercise one of our regular habits is the key to lasting happiness. Also, squats. Many, many squats.

12. Don’t Let Time Slip Away

This one is a bit less scientific, but I’d rate it as one of the most important on this list (the most important one is maintaining strong relationships, bar none). The number one regret must be not being true to one’s own dreams. It must be heartbreaking when people realize that life is passing by and looking back on it, it’s easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people, through life, commitments, finances, etc., had not fulfilled a half of their dreams. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

Perhaps the biggest wake-up call here is that people don’t necessarily mean for this to happen—one day blended into the next, and “someday” passed by, and a call to follow a specific dream went unanswered.

It will be HunkyDory. It’s your life, be happy…

5 crucial things people don’t understand about Anxiety



1. You can tell when someone is anxious.

Ironically, people with anxiety can look perfectly calm. I had someone once tell me they were in the middle of a panic attack. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I hadn’t noticed. The image of someone hyperventilating and breathing into a paper bag does not always mesh with the reality. Many symptoms of anxiety can be experienced internally, without showing on our faces.

For example, someone can have a racing heart and tightness in the chest that is quite frightening to them, but even a trained observer might not notice. The same is true of other symptoms of anxiety, such as feeling sick to your stomach or dizzy. Of course, other symptoms may be noticeable, such as sweating or blushing, but you might not pair such symptoms with the fact that the person is feeling anxious. Similarly, a core part of anxiety may involve thoughts such as “I’m going to die,” or “I’m going crazy,” or “I sound stupid.” Unless those thoughts are vocalised, you’d have no clue what was going on in the person’s mind.

2. If someone is anxious in one situation, they’re always anxious in the same or a similar situation.

People’s behaviour can vary greatly from day to day or moment to moment. I’ve had clients who can manage things that typically provoke anxiety – for example, driving on a motorway – if the weather is sunny that day, but if it were cloudy, they might not be able to. That’s just one example I frequently hear – that the weather impacts what people feel they can do on any particular day.

Another variable I frequently notice is whether or not the person is in a good mood. For example, if someone is experiencing a positive mood, they may be more likely to undertake an anxiety-provoking task. Somehow the good mood mitigates the anxiety. Another key variable I hear anxious patients talk about is sleep: If they’ve gotten a good night’s sleep, everything seems more manageable. 

3. If someone is anxious, you should try to calm them down.

Of course it’s distressing to see someone you care about experience anxiety. The knee-jerk response is to say, “Relax, it’s going to be okay.” Unfortunately, this can backfire in a couple of ways. One, the comment can feel diminishing, and the person isn’t likely to feel like you’ve heard or understood them. Two, it’s really quite difficult to simply relax on command. If it were so easy, the person would have already done it. After all, it’s no fun feeling anxious.

Another well-meaning, but probably misguided thing to say is, “Have you tried yoga?” or, “You should try meditation.” While yoga or meditation can help many people, sometime people with anxiety have special difficulties with such activities, particularly meditation. The act of “letting go” or “focusing on your breath” without a lot of individualised guidance can make some people feel out of control or worse. 

4. People with anxiety are weak.

I have worked with people who have anxiety for over 20 years, and they are some of the strongest people I know. They get up every day and do the very things that scare them. In addition to just dealing with everyday life, part of effective treatment involves having the person gradually enter the situations that cause them anxiety. I am always so impressed and in awe that they follow through with the treatment. People who are afraid of heights go up in tall buildings. People who are afraid of rejection ask others out for a date. 

I always think about how much I hate roller coasters. They absolutely terrify me. I went on one once and swore I’d never do it again. If I went to a therapist, and they said I had to ride a roller coaster as a part of my treatment, I’m not sure I’d go back. But these other people do come back—and they usually get better. They learn to face their fears and live the life they want. Of course, the treatment is a lot more nuanced than one can fit into a blog post, but the point is, people with anxiety are anything but weak. They’re heroes in my book.

5. Anxiety is not a big deal.

Because we’ve all felt anxious at one time or another, we think that we know what someone else is feeling. But having an anxiety disorder is different than feeling stressed or nervous from time to time. Having an anxiety disorder means that anxiety is impacting your life. You’re likely avoiding things you need or want to do because of the anxiety. You’re thinking about the anxiety a lot of the time. You may be judging yourself because of the anxiety. Anxiety can be a really big deal. But it’s also highly treatable. If you have anxiety, or know someone that does, seek help from a professional who knows how to treat it.

Your Life, Be Happy…